Teenage is a delicate age where we go through numerous changes both physically and emotionally. We start being on our own and we start taking decisions for ourselves. We start getting closer to our friends, as they seem to relate to us better, than the others around. By the time we are old enough to realize the mistakes we made and the teachings it taught us, we are summed up with numerous lessons learnt, along with some hearty laugh about how childish we’ve been.
It is advisable for every parent to let their teens grow like they normally would. It is tough to accept facts like they are into relationships, or that they have started lying, or that they have access to cigarettes and alcohol, etc. But these are some common things which teens today are quite aware of and are prone to get indulged into. Parenting needs to strike balance between friendship and firmness, to make their bond much closer and help their kids before they get into bad situations which are irreparable.
[ Hindi version ]
Teens are in an age where they have already done most of their schooling. They tend to have been around similar classmates over the years, and some of them turned out to be their best of friends. They start sharing their deepest secrets and the friends start helping them like psychologists. Along with having some closest people you’d want to have forever, you also start feeling attracted towards somebody who you probably start liking in a different way. The feeling brings in an increased amount of care, a wish to make them happy and to see them smile, a feeling like you could do almost anything for that person and a feeling of self-satisfaction in every normal activity you do.
If you are already into a relationship, you might have gone through the initial days when you couldn’t stop blushing. That then turned into deeper intimacy, which included romance and disagreements. All of this helps you to know each other better and to improve and strengthen a bond.
Teenage relationships are complicated, especially because teens don’t think about the long run. Their hearts aren’t old enough to understand the meaning and essence of love, and they just go with the flow which often turns into bitter separation. Well, if you are serious about your relationship and you want to give in your best, there are some dos and don’ts which you would love to know and follow.
- Keep the relationship separate from friend’s group: maybe the guy/girl you just fell for belongs to your friend’s group. It is natural and even better, as you might have known each other for quite some time. Make sure that your relationship is kept separate when you are with your group. Do not include your friends in regular arguments or when you want to be overly affectionate. Remember that your friends will want to retain their group activities and enjoyments just like before, and not make necessary changes just because you are committed. Groups hate to have been popped up with a love bird who would simply sit in one corner to do their secret discussions. On the contrary, if you turn out to be friendly as always and you are casual in front of your friends, they address you as a cooler couple compared to the boring and secluded ones. So, act like friends when you are with your group, though things might be different if your entire group is in pairs!
- Reduce negativity: don’t talk negatively about your partner, even in front of your friends. Though you’d have moments when you want to vent out to someone who is really close to you, but keep that as less as possible. This is all the more needed when your friends do not like your partner and do not approve of your relationship either. If you talk badly about your guy/girl in front of them, they get more fumed and add on to the reasons for their hatred. Every relationship goes through bad times, and you need to know how to solve them between the two and not call for external help. Especially if that third person is supposedly going to be more destructive!
- Know the reliable people: your friends might come up with stories about your partner which might not please you. These stories could be some edited and exaggerated versions of the actual truth. Sometimes, even friends like to add to some issues between couples simply because they haven’t been following the firsttip (above) or simply because they are jealous. Sometimes they even feel that their friend has become distant since they are closer with their boyfriend/girlfriend now. It is quite natural and needs to be prevented before you start losing either of them. Learning to strike a balance between every relationship, in the best way possible, is a part of growing up!
- Keep conversation crisp and clear: if there are some issues, or there are some stories that you have come across, or there are some rumors heard, or some justifications needed, clear it out and ask questions. The best way to maintain ahealthy relationship is by talking out things. You need to frame your conversations in such a way that you do not hurt the other person but try to explain how you felt when you came across the concerned circumstances. Keeping your conversations and expectation crisp and clear in a relationship is very important. You must voice the likes and dislikes, the dos and don’ts, the rules you want to maintain in the relationship, and not speak up when things go out of control.
- Respect: Respecting elder’s decisions is respecting your partner too. If your partner’s parents have set some rules, do not go against them. These could bring a friction between you and his/her parents, which is not a healthy sign. On the contrary, if you think that they are being unfair, you need to voice your opinion and say what you feel about it. Finally, let your date decide what he/she thinks is right and let him/her take the final call.
Maybe you guys have been one of those bestfriends-turned-couples who know each other very well and who have seen each other grown like siblings, which alternatively mean that you have been fighting and sharing almost everything like siblings do. But, once you get into a relationship, things start to change. Just like every relationship takes a turn with age and time, your relationship is changing too, you have to look at her/him in a more respectful manner and work things out like grown up partners. That doesn’t mean that you should leave you innocence and friendship, but these are added on with deeper care and concerns, respect, etc.
- Life goes on while you are in a relationship: yes, it is okay to have those head-over-heal moments when all you feel is love! But with time, you also have to realize that you cannot hinder your regular lifestyle just because you have a date. A relationship demands a lot of time anyway, but you need to remember that you cannot hinder your regular lifestyle and routines just because you are involved with someone. You have studies, you have family, you have a career ahead, and these are important enough to be concerned about.
- Be honest: some couples do not voice their opinions as they feel that they would lose their partner. But the mechanism works the other way. You need to be straight-forward enough to share how you feel, what goes through your mind, what is important to you and what bothers you. Settle the issues to secure your relationship and don’t be scared of the consequences. They would hate to have known something from somebody else, which they expected to be directly told by you.
Most of high school couples do not take their relationship past graduations. The reason is that they are young and they have a lot of experiences left to come across. Sometimes they feel like they are in love and sometimes they feel like they are falling out of love. They have numerous priorities and there are immense distractions which can distant them. It is such an age where we want to take responsibilities and decisions but we seldom can fulfill all that we want. None-the-less, follow these above tips to share a healthier bond with your date, and start learning what kinds of dedication relationships need to last.
Ways to improve a relationship
There are times when we fall apart or we are on the verge of falling apart, and that is exactly when we need to hold on to it. Times like this gets really crucial and either of the two should take stand and improve the relationship. It is not a one way thing, but there is no harm in coming forward with the initial steps.
- The first thing to do when you want to give up, is to think about what made you hold on so long? The months of togetherness doesn’t define the intensity of emotions, because feelings cannot be measured with time. Of course, you know each other better and that happens with time, but when you have reasons to fall in love, you simply do. Think about what made you hold on till now, so that it makes you hold on for one more time.
- Wear that same dress and go to the same place you had your first date. Relive the moment and get the memories alive. Order the same food and see how it brings back times you had left behind. Memories are another thing which can remind you how beautiful things were, and how beautiful the next days can be.
- Take out some time to be humorous as making each other laugh is very important. Share your homework and help each other grow. Motivating each other to work or study sets the priorities right, and takes the relationship ahead.
- Acknowledge the little things that you do for each other. Tell him about how difficult it was to bake a cake or make a card, and let him feel loved. Also wait to see how he responds to the things you do. Say thank you for the roses he gets you and don’t nag if he does the best that he can.
- Finally, do not take your relationship for granted, as that is exactly when you’ll know that the end is near.
[ Hindi version ]